The Church of Swiffer

My mother was a clean freak. She was the only woman I knew who cleaned before the cleaning lady came. Never was there a dish in the sink, a bed unmade or dust on the furniture. If you opened a closet, clothes were hung, covered and grouped in like colors. Her shoes were kept in the original boxes and the linen closets were tidy and organized. Even Mom's "junk"drawer was tidy. If you are old enough to remember the TV show "The Odd Couple", my mom was the female version of Felix Unger. I realized she may have a slight 'problem' (what we now call OCD) when she started removing the screen from the kitchen faucet, soaking it in ammonia and scouring it with a tooth brush.



Mom could remove spots from just about any fabric and had the BEST smelling laundry in the world. There was nothing like taking a shower at my Mom's house and pulling out one of her bright white towels which were fluffy and soft and always smelled of Downy. When people ask what the washing instructions were on a new piece of clothing, I replied "Take home to my Mom for washing". Frankly, being raised in such a sterile environment was just too much pressure for me, so I never tried to keep a home like hers. I was never going to be like her, so I never tried. Mom was one step away from the plastic sofa covers. Her solution was to purchase leather and never let my dad or the kids lay on it!! Playing with kids, relaxing and sleep were far more important to me than clean faucet screens.

Make no mistake, however, I know how to clean. She taught me well. She once bought the kids a present--miniature cleaning tools....a broom, rake, mop, and a stand up plastic vacuum. The kids were probably 7, 5 and 2 years old. She said they must be taught the importance of a clean house. The first thing that Matthew did with the broom was to run down the hallway and knock down all the pictures which hung on the wall. They, too, know the merits of a good dose of Pine-Sol because they remember cleaning day at Granny's.

By the time she married my father, Mom was afforded the luxury of hiring someone to help with the cleaning. That's right, help. Mom worked right along side the housekeeper making sure things were done her way. The hallway was scrubbed down with Pine-Sol weekly to remove kid fingerprints. She said her house was the only one in the world that had foot and fingerprints on the ceiling. Really? At Casa Clementino, ammonia was a staple and she always had two vacuums....one for the bare/wood floors and furniture (always a Rainbow, with a cap full of Pine-Sol in the water reservoir) and an upright for the carpets. Nothing gives me a memory rush of home like a stiff whiff of Pine-Sol. For some, the smell of warm cookies or rosemary chicken baking in the oven will give you the warm fuzzy feelings of home. Not me. It's Pine-Sol or Lemon Pledge. Although Mom was a fabulous cook, she cleaned way more than she cooked. When I miss my Mom all I have to do is bring out the Pine-Sol, scrub the toilet and it's as though I've had tea and scones with her.

The new millennium has brought many things to the world of housekeeping which have made things easier--especially for the woman who works outside the home. I must admit I'm always suckered into buying the latest cleaning product which claims to clean your shower without scrubbing. Frankly, I've never found anything which cleans my shower better than good old Comet and me, naked in the shower scrubbing the tile first, then finishing myself off with a shower. It just doesn't work any other way. I've also discovered that Pine-Sol really doesn't clean....not like 409, Comet or Oxy Clean. But, Pine-Sol tells the nose of everyone who enters the house that you ARE cleaning. It's a lot like garlic hitting a hot saute pan, your brain knows something great is about to happen merely by the smell.


When the Swiffer products hit the market, I wasn't quite ready to drink the Kool Aid. I caved about a year after they were introduced and was pleased how the dry Swiffer cleaned my hardwood floors. I have to admit that I would Swiffer the floor with my dust buster in one hand to suck up the "big dust". Not a bad system and it was much easier than dragging out the vacuum. Moreover, we all know that a broom just doesn't do the trick when you are sweeping dust bunnies and dog hair.

My life was changed when I was introduced to the Swiffer Sweep and Vac. It is a rechargeable Swiffer dry mop, with a dust buster type vacuum attached at the middle. Essentially, you put the disposable cloth on the bottom of the Swiffer and what the cloth doesn't pick up, the dust buster does. This puppy weighs maybe 2 pounds and is the most amazing thing I've ever used for my floors. It sucks up hair, dust, gum wrappers, lint, granulated sugar, foil off of Hershey's Kisses, glitter, flour, rubber bands, twist ties from the bread, and of course, dirt. It is awesome to use on the bathroom floors; dry cloth gets hairs and powders, and the vacuum gets the rest. Pushing this little puppy around the house makes me feel like Samantha on the old show, "Bewitched". I always loved it when she could make the vacuum clean by itself. She and Jeannie had the same techniques, but I have my Swiffer!

Now, I have to admit I'm not a big fan of the wet/mopping Swiffer system. The cloth just gets dirty too fast and you can't clean a floor with a dirty sponge. My Mom mopped the floors twice, once to clean, once to rinse. I'm happy to report that the Swiffer Sweep and Vac is so great that my broom now lives in the garage. My trusty little green Sweep and Vac is always plugged in and at the ready. It is important that you clean the reservoir and the filter regularly.


I would have never purchased a 40 dollar floor sweeper, had it not been for Kate's mother-in-law, Jami. Jami shares her home with three dogs and she loved her Swiffer and we all know that word of mouth is the best advertising. Once I purchased my own Sweep and Vac, I was a convert. I love this product so much that when I see someone in the store considering the purchase, I walk up to them and give them my personal testimony. I've sold three systems to complete strangers telling them that they will not be disappointed by this gem. I gave one to my friend as a 'hostess' gift during one of my visits. I wasn't the least bit afraid that I would offend her by giving her a vacuum/sweeper, because this product was just too good and I had to share it with her. She, too, is now a member of the Church of Swiffer. Praise the Lord and pass the Pine Sol!! We have long discussions about how the Swiffer has changed our lives. She will call me after cleaning her floors and tell me how great thou art! I love to purchase the Swiffer Sweep and Vac as a shower gift for a new bride. After all, you only use a crock pot once a month, you'll use this puppy everyday and will feel like someone turned water into wine when you are done.

I often wonder what my Mom would think about this amazing new system. I believe her cleaning was a form of personal suffering because she was never one to use short cuts. She was old school and you couldn't have clean without elbow grease, pain and Pine Sol. Cross your legs Mary Frances, we only have three nails! Alleluia and Amen!

The Frosting on the Cupcake

Today is November 1st. I know this beause Dave and I just finish our monthly discussion about too much month and not enough money. Although I try to focus on the positive stuff.....the beauty of where we live, the fact that Dave HAS a job for now, my beautiful grandbaby, granddogs and children, I still cannot seem to let go of the 'small' stuff. I'm tired of the continual financial struggle, the failing economy and the political ads and canidates who have done nothing but stall and point fingers.


On a brighter note the San Francisco Giants have won the World Serious! Exciting stuff even for someone like me who could care less about professional sports. Let's face it: everyone is a baseball fan in October. When one of the playoff teams is from your area, it's like going to the cupcake shop and getting a frosting shot!


Tomorrow is election day and I'm looking forward to the end of nasty bickering, misleading commercials (which do nothing but confuse us) and election mailings which make my recycle can runnith over! I'm sick of the intrusive phone calls, too. Perhaps it's best to call it a night, and pray that tomorrow is a better, brighter day. If not, I'm headed to the cupcake shop for that frosting shot....I'll take mine with a Metformin chaser!