Friends 101

When I was a young girl my mother told me that if I was lucky, I would be blessed with true friends. She was referring to the kind of friends on whom you can call any time of the day or night. These are the kind of loved ones who become your surrogate siblings. You can trust them with a secret and for the most part, have no problem traveling with them. Good friends will tell you when you have lipstick on your teeth and laugh with you when your butt looks too big in your jeans. Perhaps the best part is that a TRUE friend will gently remind you to lighten up when you take yourself too seriously. I remember hearing Mom's description of a GOOD friend; someone who was loyal, didn't judge you and who would help you no matter what the circumstances. Surprisingly, my Mom didn't have many women friends with whom she was that close. She told me that if I was lucky, by the time I was in my 40's I might be able to count those special friends on one hand. She had those kinds of friends--not many--but true friends on whom she could confide and who loved her unconditionally. Of course, like most of life's lessons, I thought she was wrong. I couldn't imagine limiting all of my friends down to just 4 or 5! After all, I was in High School at the time and I had lots friends and even more acquaintances


Dave says that a good friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night --in the pouring rain when you have a flat tire on the north bound lane of the Golden Gate Bridge--and he will be there no questions asked. Given that Dave's a guy, and we all know they don't bond with other guys like women do, I'm quite happy that we agree completely about friend guidelines. Of course, there are friends who come into your life when you least expect them. Oftentimes, people wander in to your life quite randomly--a customer, a co-worker, a roommate. Mom told me that she met some of her best friends when she was raising her kids and that I, too, would do the same thing. The quite profound experience of being a parent changes you from the second you know you are pregnant. By the time your first child is born, you find yourself in the maternity ward, wrecked and tired from delivery, but the second you hold that child and see her face you are changed. I remember holding my first born, gazing in her beautiful pink face, breathing in her scent, touching her soft skin and admiring her beautiful heart shaped lips when a knock at the door interrupted my moment. It was the Hospital Chaplain who showed up to offer me Holy Communion. Although I didn't deliver in a Catholic hospital, I had checked the "Catholic" box on my admission form. That poor padre had his hands full when I lectured him on the miracle of life which I cradled in my arms. I refused communion, but lectured him nonetheless.

Is it any wonder that you need to find new friends when you become a Mother? Your single friends are still out at the bars when you are getting up for a 2am feeding. They are out cruising in their convertibles while you are walking the floor trying to sooth a baby with colic. When you are a new Mom you need a friend who knows about sleep deprivation, hormones, breast feeding and empty milk cartons at 4AM. The birth of my children brought wonderful friends into my life. The before-children friends remain, ever faithful; you see them less and talk on the phone more. Old friends know your history. They are people with whom you can talk without explaining all the ugly stuff of your past--because they already know the ugly stuff! Likewise, a new friend will listen to your history with a fresh ear and will share a perspective of your life-stories that helps you to reconcile your past to present.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my friends--listen to them, cook for them, hold their hair while they vomit, help them bury a body, even give them a kidney. Having a good friend makes you want to be a better person. My friends have made a direct impact on how I have lived my life. I am better, in part, because of them. We are are like "Maxine" rather than one of the girls from the TV show "Friends", but with age comes wisdom. The roads we've traveled are many, the hills are steep, but the journey has been amazing. Thank you, friends, for the love you've given me through laughter and tears.

This picture is my Mom, Mary Frances Clementino and one of her best friends, LaVerne Robinson. Mom met Vern when my brother, Gary became a classmate of Kathe Robinson, LaVern's daughter. LaVern was a devoted friend to my mother for 40 years and made, undoubtedly, the BEST Pecan Pie ever!