A Gently Shifting Universe

Ask any child what they want to be when they 'grow-up'? The answers will vary depending on the age of the child, their background, and probably where they live. When I was 5, I dreamed of being a singer...a diva like Diana Ross. When I was 8 or 9 my life's ambitions changed and I wanted to be a professional cowboy. By the time I turned 12, I wanted to be a vet. That dream was quickly quelled by the fact that I hate math and science and the sight of watching an animal in pain was more than I could handle without without Xnax. When I was 15, I fell in love and didn't cared what I did as long as I was with Dave. Although my parents were not people who valued a college education--unless you were a doctor or a lawyer-- they did believe that everyone should have a trade. I was convinced that I should attend a trade school and complete training to be a legal secretary. I hated trade school--despised it with every fiber of my being. The only thing I hated more, was working in an office. I was not the type of person who could sit at a desk and be the female counterpart to Dilbert. I needed people. I needed movement and I wasn't afraid of hard work. While attending trade school, I worked a temporary job for a deli/caterer. I discovered working in the food service business was my 'thing'. I really felt like I'd hit my stride. I loved the interaction with people, the instant gratification of a job well done and I must admit, I thrived on the adrenaline. My parent's wouldn't accept that I become "just a waitress", so I kept feelings to myself, put my head down and finished business school and was a bonafied Legal Secretary.

When we purchased our home in 1979, it didn't matter what I did as long as I generated an income. I accepted a clerical job for America's Good Neighbor, State Farm Insurance and was miserable for 5 years. I showed up everyday, did what was asked of me, but could barely get out of bed when the alarm went off. The job, however, generated a decent paycheck and excellent benefits. It was easy enough being chained to a desk shoveling paperwork and collecting a bi-weekly paycheck. The hardest part was that I worked with a bunch of sniveling women who were hormonal, temperamental and often times cut-throat. After the arrival of baby number two, I quit my job "down on the farm". I eventually went to work part-time for a local caterer. It was acceptable enough for my parents because my first job was being an at-home wife and mother. Catering was just a part-time thing that I did to get out of the house. I welcomed the hard but respectable work which enabled me to be part of people's weddings, barmitzvahs, anniversaries, etc. It turned out that I had a real knack for it, because I've spent most of my adult life (besides being a wife and mother) working in the catering business. Even operated a moderately successful business venture with a partner.

Never in my girlhood dreams did I think of being someone's Grandmother. Perhaps that is because I never really had living grandparents. My paternal Grandmother, the only survivor of the four, died when I was 10 and although she was loving and sweet, there was a language barrier between us. She could break this barrier with food because she was a marvelous cook. By the time she moved from Central California to Novato, she was already ill and elderly. I wonder if that is why I never envisioned myself as a grandmother. There are still times when I stare at the picture of my Grandmother, Maria Constance Mello Clementino, as a young bride and wonder if she ever thought about the legacy of women she would leave behind? In her eyes I see my daughter, Kate, and my cousin Jenni too. There is a definite resemblance through the mouth and eyes.

There is a vast different in terms of the two different generations: My grandmother went to the hen house, wrung the neck of a bird, dressed it and put it in a pot. My daughter, Katie, on the other hand, will not reach into the cavity of a commercially processed chicken purchased from the grocery store to remove the giblets. This cracks me up and I usually envision my grandmother and mother rolling over in their graves. I immediately picture Aunt Maria in a full apron, hands on hips, hair in a knot on top of her head and her crooked finger wagging...."You girls of today have it so easy!" And, of course, she was right!

So hear I am today, a resident in the not-so-new millennium and I have no misunderstandings about who I am. Regardless of who and what I "wanted" to be, I am first and foremost wife to my beloved, Dave. I am mother to Vanessa, Katharine, Matthew and Madelyn. I am mother-in-law to Brent and Frank and sister-in-law to Dale and Melody. I still love to sing and my love for animals has only grown as I mature past middle age and tuck my AARP card into my wallet. My Sunday table overflows with children, spouses and friends and my cup runnith over. The funny part is that of all the things I "dreamed" about being, a grandmother was never one of them. Yet as the days draw near to the birth of my first granddaughter, Lillanna Marie, my excitement grows. When I look into her eyes for the first time, who will I see? Her mother? My mother? My grandmother?

It is a powerful thing to watch the universe shift. The young people become old, the old generation moves on to join the Celestial family, and we are left with this remarkable family unit which continues to move forward and grow. Our family is a circle of love and strength. With every birth and union the circle grows stronger. Every joy shared adds more love. Every obstacle faced together makes the circle stronger. When I look at the faces around my Sunday table, I'm humbled and over-joyed.